Rethinking Maslow

Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is still one of the most referenced ideas in psychology and oftentimes marketing. It’s simple, it’s clear, and it makes sense.

But there’s one part that doesn’t quite hold up: where he placed belonging.

Maslow suggested that relationships and belonging only become important after physiological and safety needs are met. In fact, for people, the only way physiological and safety needs can be met is to belong. Humans are not designed to survive on our own. Our survival depends on our ability to form connections and cultivate care from others.

"We come into the world as the result of others’ actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others’ activities. For this reason, it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others.” — Tenzin Gyato, the 14th Dalai Lama

Breakups hurt. Betrayal hurts. Separation hurts. Feeling left out hurts.

These social pains literally activate the same nerve centers in our brains as actual physical pain, because relationships and belonging are key to our ability to survive.

As neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman explained in his 2013 book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect:

“By activating the same neural circuitry that causes us to feel physical pain, our experience of social pain also ensures the survival of our children by keeping them close to their parents. The link between social and physical pain also ensures that staying socially connected will be a lifelong need.”

People need to feel like they belong to a family, a community beyond themselves. And that has become increasingly challenging.

A Modern Challenge

The problem today is that belonging has become harder to find. The World Happiness Report 2024 puts it this way:

“The rise of digital connections has often displaced face-to-face interactions, raising questions about their adequacy in fostering genuine well-being.”

And the American Journal of Preventive Medicine warned back in 2017:

“Increased time spent on social media may displace more authentic social experiences …, potentially fostering feelings of envy and exclusion."

We’ve replaced the systems that once tied us together for survival—hunting, farming, building communities side by side—with technology and institutions. But we haven’t replaced the social need to belong.

What This Means for Business

Here’s the takeaway: if you’re building a business, you’re also shaping a community.

You can treat customers as transactions, or you can invite them into something bigger. People will always be more attracted to the second option because the desire to belong isn’t a choice. It’s hardwired. It’s survival. It’s happiness. It’s human.